


Quantum Bonds

by IronicSnap



Category: Sly Cooper (Video Games), Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Behold and be amazed by my most self-indulgent fic yet, Crossover Pairings, Diners, Double Dating, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Multiple Selves, Parallel Universes, Post-Canon, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:25:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronicSnap/pseuds/IronicSnap
Summary: Nick and Judy go on a double date with Sly and Carmelita. Meanwhile, Sly and Judy go on a double date with Nick and Carmelita, while elsewhere, Judy and Carmelita go on a double date with Nick and Sly.





	Quantum Bonds

"This is silly."

"Oh, hush." Judy pulled in close, adjusting Nick's tie. "It'll be fun!"

"Sure," he said dubiously. "Fun. But silly."

"Those are synonyms!"

"Only sort of, Carrots. Only sort of."

The lights changed and they crossed the street. Everett's Diner stood proud, still bright and red despite the darkness. Judy hurried to the door, then waited for Nick.

He maintained his causal saunter. "What's the rush?"

"They're probably here already!"

"In that case," he smirked, helping her with the door, "we need to make a cool entrance. Low-key, Carrots. Low-key and–"

" _Guys!_  Hi!"

Judy waved over to a booth in the middle of the restaurant. Nick sighed. "You're such a dork."

"You know you love me."

"Me? Love someone as hopelessly dorky as you?" He smirked, but it was warm. "Yes. Yes, I do."

They made their way to the booth, sitting across from the other couple. Carmelita seemed at ease. She gave them a vivid smile. Sly was smirking his usual smirk, but his hazel eyes were warm.

"Judy, Nick! It's great to see you."

"Same to you!" Judy got comfortable on the plush seating. "We didn't keep you waiting long, did we?"

"No, no." Carmelita's accent was as lovely as ever. "It's only been a few minutes."

"Good to hear," said Nick. "We wouldn't want to waste the valuable time of people like you. Interpol's finest Inspector..."

"Much obliged."

"And, uh..." Nick smile turned wry as he looked to Sly. "Whatever it is you are right now."

"Freelance poet."

"Uh huh."

"For the record, Nick," said Carmelita, "this could never be a waste of our time. Any night we share with you and Judy is well-spent."

"Awwh, thank you!" Judy beamed. "It goes without saying we feel the same. So, what's been going on with you?"

With no big news, the first few minutes were spent on general assurances that various mutual friends were, in fact, doing great right now. As they began scanning the menus, Sly was reporting on his two brothers.

"Bentley's the same as ever. Murray too, although he's got a new obsession. Lately he's been talking non-stop about alternate universes. Y'know, parallel realities, things happening elsewhere in the multiverse. Real comic book stuff." He shrugged. "Considering our line of work, I guess it's hard to rule anything out."

"I've definitely heard Clawhauser bring that up before..." murmured Nick.

Judy looked up, curious. "What's this?"

"Like..." Sly glanced to the ceiling as he threw together an example. "A world where I'm the cop and Carmelita's the thief. That kinda stuff."

Judy's brow furrowed. "That sounds..."

"What?"

"I dunno. 'Unrealistic', I guess? It can't be that simple, just swapping things around like that. I mean, I've wanted to be a cop ever since I was a little kid." She glanced to Carmelita. "And you were the same, right?"

"I'd say so."

" _You_  were set on being a thief since childhood," she said, turning back to Sly, "and Nick..."

"Yeah." No more was said.

"So," concluded Judy, "our lives aren't just... random. To change something as major our careers, you'd have to change everything."

Sly tilted his head. "That's the thing, though. Bentley says that, according to the many worlds interpretation of quantum physics, there could be a literally infinite number of universes. So somewhere out there, everything  _is_  different. But, at the same time, similar enough to be recognizable. Basically, if you can imagine something, it might actually be happening right now."

* * *

" _Oh,_ " said Judy, turning to her side to face Sly. "So there's a universe where you  _didn't_  wander home after midnight last night?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Heh... still on that, huh?"

Judy dramatically raised her arms. "Legendary thief  _Sly Cooper,_  ladies and gentlemen! Capable of slipping past any security system on the planet, but can't get into bed without ripping the covers off his girlfriend."

Across the booth, Nick and Carmelita both bit back laughter. Sly and Judy's relationship had been unstable from the start, playful banter sometimes veering into actual arguments without warning. The foxes always tried to keep things smooth by hiding just how funny the discord could be. They stuck to quiet smiles. Under the table, Carmelita's paw rested on Nick's.

Sly tried to rally. "Honeybun..."

"Don't you 'honeybun' me!" she shot back. "You have reached Honeybun Capacity for the week."

For a second, Sly paused. It was all he needed. "But you and I both know that's impossible."

One hand on Judy's shoulder – close but not cloying – he met her gaze. Voice low.

"How could I ever 'reach capacity' of someone so delectable? It doesn't matter what I call you. It won't change the fact you're a beautiful woman whose continued patience I don't deserve." By now his voice was almost a purr. "But please. Forgive me for the bed thing?"

Nick and Carmelita watched Judy sit there for a moment. On balance, she looked angrier. "...Heck. Gosh darn it. How are you so good at this?"

"You deserve only the best. I'm just happy to provide it."

"You can stop," she said, arms folded. "You've done it. I've been flirted at."

Sly's hand drifted up, gently stroking the very tip of her ear. The effect was immediate.

"No really, stop!" she giggled. She nuzzled against his chest, eyes closed.

"And normal service resumes," deadpanned Nick. "Just like that."

Sly shot him a grin, his hand still on Judy. "You're just jealous because you couldn't handle this emotional roller coaster."

"You are correct! I very much could not!"

He shuffled a little closer to Carmelita, who slipped her arm around his waist.

"We've got a stable rhythm over on  _this_  side of the booth."

"Yeah, 'stable'," said Sly. "One of many boring-person ways to say 'boring'."

"Hardly." Carmelita's tone was level. "We had a nice change of pace just last night."

Sly's eyes lit up. "Ooh, bedroom stuff?" Judy elbowed him.

Nick cringed. "No, you don't need to tell the other couple about that, honey. Especially not as a brag."

Sly's eyes lit up further. " _Embarrassing_  bedroom stuff?!" Judy elbowed him a little harder, but couldn't suppress a laugh.

"I wish," sighed Nick. "We had an argument."

"We had a  _discussion_ ," corrected Carmelita, still level.

"We were talking about Lionheart, and I said – just offhand – that whether he was right or wrong, his tactics  _did_  prevent a panic." He danced out a shrug. "Carmelita... disagreed."

"There's no 'whether he was right or wrong'," she said staunchly. "Either he was right, or he was wrong. And he was wrong."

"And from there it spiralled into this crazy-long debate about legal ethics, and..." Nick waved a hand. "You guys don't need to hear the details."

Carmelita looked over to him. "You really feel that bad about it?"

"Of course. I'm sorry it went on so long."

"Don't apologize. I like a challenge." She gave him a small smirk. "And I like our spirited discussions."

"I don't! Other people call them arguments!"

"I think calling them 'arguments' is inaccurate. That connotes a harsher tone than we ever have."

"I think we're literally arguing about our arguments right now!" Nick turned in his seat. "Do you guys see what I  _and_  you are making out."

Sly and Judy were, indeed, making out. Judy's ear twitched and she turned to Nick.

"Oh, sorry. That was rude of us."

"In our defence," said Sly, "you two were being weird and boring. Again."

Nick's heartfelt obligation to find a swift rebuttal was folded over by more important concerns. He caught sight of their waitress – a hyena balancing four plates across her powerful arms.

"Thank god, a change of subject. Dinner's served!"

* * *

The bear roared, flecks of flesh in its teeth, and lunged straight for Nick.

He yelped, falling back, as Sly and Carmelita moved to intercept. Carmelita still had her pistol. But it had broken days ago. Now it was exactly like Sly's cane – a memento of easier times, and, when necessary, a blunt instrument.

Nick had lost his footing, collapsing on the diner floor. Carmelita slammed her pistol into the bear's nose, and Sly followed with a strike to its eyes. It reared, roaring.

They had only made it angry.

With a huge swipe, it knocked Sly's cane away, sending it clattering into a booth. Those claws came from him, promising something far worse than death.

Carmelita moved on instinct, tackling Sly to safety. The claws and their septic payload missed them, barely. But now Nick was unprotected.

The bear turned to him. It snarled, those feral eyes devoid of any thought but slaughter. Its teeth came straight for him, and then a grey blur hit it in the face.

It reeled back, and the blur was already moving again, attacking with an utter lack of fear. Despite its superior size and natural weapons, the bear was soon beaten back. It retreated through the diner's door with a final dismissive grunt.

The bear lumbered away. They heard its powerful paws grow fainter as it fled down the empty street.

Sly picked himself back up, shooting the rabbit a smile.

"Thanks, Zombie Judy! You're the best."

The rabbit ignored him, scurrying back over to Nick. A scarf was wrapped tightly around its nose and mouth, adorned with little cartoon carrots. It pressed its forehead against Nick's chest and chittered.

He patted it on the head, smiling weakly. "Thanks, Carrots," he murmured. "Thanks."

Carmelita shut the door, and with Sly's help began to barricade it. They worked in silence. For a moment.

Sly shook his head absently. "I still can't believe that a small cell of Dawn Bellwether's original operation accidentally synthesized a version of the Night Howler serum that spreads the effects through physical wounds, and it contaminated the water supply, and now the entire city of Zootopia has been under military quarantine for nearly two weeks."

Carmelita glared. She was tired. They were all tired. " _I_ still can't believe you keep saying weird stuff like that out loud."

"It's how I cope."

"But we were  _there!_ " Nick threw up his arms, indicating the rabbit pawing at his shirt. "What, you gonna explain how Judy got infected less than an hour after it hit the streets, because my poor, sweet, idiotic Carrots tried kicking a zombie jaguar in the face?! 'Cause I don't need to hear it!"

Zombie Judy chittered.

"Exactly, Carrots," said Nick. "Exactly."

Carmelita eyed the scarf for the hundredth time. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I still think it would be safer to use an actual–"

" _No muzzles_." Nick eyes didn't leave the fabric, ensuring it was correct. Tight, but not painful. Firm, but not claustrophobic. "The scarf is working fine."

Carmelita didn't have an argument for that – not one she hadn't tried already, at least. "Fine. Just make sure the door's secure. Sly, you're with me. After what happened last time, we need to make sure none of the cabinets have zombie mice."

Sly sighed. Slowly. "Yeah this is a pretty awful timeline."

Carmelita whirled around. "Oh my  **god** , Sly,

* * *

shut up about timelines already." She fixed him a look as she neatly laid down her cutlery. "It's weird."

Nick folded his arms haughtily. "Inspector Fox, if you continue bullying my boyfriend I will be forced to place you under arrest."

"I'd like to see you try, Nicky." Carmelita smirked. "I outrank you. And more importantly, I'd win in a fight."

"That," said Nick, "is true. On both counts. But you forget that true love conquers all."

"Ah, but that's the final nail in your coffin – if you arrested me, Judy would arrest you."

"What!" Nick turned to Judy. "Carrots, you'd betray your own partner? At the behest of your other partner?"

"Nick, if you arrested  _my_  girlfriend just for telling  _your_  boyfriend to shut up – which is often a public service–"

"Extremely valid," noted Sly.

"–I would arrest you for bad arresting."

"Well, heck."

"I'm starting to feel left out," said Sly. "I feel like you guys aren't trying hard enough to arrest me. I've committed the most crimes out of all of us.  _So_   _many_  crimes!"

It was at this point the waitress arrived to take away their used plates. The hyena glanced between the four of them. Mostly Sly.

"Good crimes," he clarified. "Good crimes against bad people. They had it coming. Ask any of my friends here. They're all cops and they agree. Good crimes."

The waitress smiled slowly. "...So y'all want dessert?"

"Please!"

By the time the dessert menus arrived, Judy had settled comfortably into Carmelita's lap.

"I don't know..." She scanned the opulent options. "These are all pretty intense on sugar. Darn my rabbit metabolism..."

"I think you can afford a cheat day, sweetheart." Carmelita wrapped her arms around Judy's waist. "Besides, I'd be happy to lend a hand."

Judy returned her smirk. "Such a supportive girlfriend."

"I try."

"In that case," said Judy, "let's try the fudge brownie. It's definitely enough for two people, and I've heard it's delicious!"

"Great call, Carrots!" said Nick. "Sounds wonderful. I'll have one myself."

She frowned. "But I thought you were ordering the apple pie. You told me it's great here."

"It is! I'm getting that too."

"I'm more curious about the ice-cream," said Sly. "If I order two sundaes, I can hit all the flavours! Pile all six onto my spoon to create some nightmarish superflavour that defies science."

"You're seriously having two desserts each?" said Judy, unable to hide a hint of mild horror.

Sly smiled innocently. "I prefer to think we're  _sharing_  four desserts."

"That's... not better."

Carmelita glared. "How in god's name do the two of you stay so thin?"

"Plenty of exercise," murmured Sly, shooting Nick a look. Nick's ear twitched, his eyes resolutely on the menu as he fought off a smile.

* * *

"What a pleasant night!"

They stepped out into the cool night air. Judy held Nick's arm with both of hers, smiling up at Sly and Carmelita.

"I'm really glad we could all make time for this," continued Judy. "It was fun!"

"Yeah," said Nick. "It was."

Sly returned their smiles, his hand in Carmelita's. "Any plans for the rest of weekend, you two?"

"Not really," said Judy. "We have a shift tomorrow afternoon. But we're gonna spend the whole morning in bed."

Sly nodded sagely. "That's exactly what Sunday mornings are for. I'm glad to hear it."

"Sounds good," agreed Carmelita. She bumped against Sly playfully. "I'll be keeping my eye on this dangerous rogue."

Sly laid a hand against his forehead with a dramatic sigh. "For my crimes, I have been sentenced to constant guard by Interpol's scariest agent." He smiled. "I knew it'd all pay off one day."

Carmelita chuckled. She didn't reply, aside from pulling him closer.

"You guys..." Judy's eyes were warm. "I don't mean to get mushy or anything, but it's so nice to see you two getting along. I'm really happy you managed to make it work."

"Thanks," smiled Sly. "It's all down to Carmelita, really."

"You're kidding, right?" She turned to him. "I'd say it was all you."

"Really? This never would've happened if you weren't so patient with me."

"I'm patient because I trust you. And you've earned that trust."

Judy was watching with bright eyes, one paw on her cheek. "Ahh! This is so sweet! You're both so sweet!"

"Oh please." Nick folded his arms, catching the other couple's attention. "Don't let these purple eyes and innocent words and generally attractive features fool you."

"Nice not-use of the word 'cute'," smirked Judy.

"But of course." Still looking at Sly and Carmelita, Nick indicated Judy with a nod. "Believe me, she's using your miraculous turnaround as a case study. She's trying to work out how many volcanoes she can get away with handcuffing  _me_  to."

"Nicholas, I am wounded!" Judy flopped against him, tugging his shirt. "Our love is so pure!"

"I know, I know." He rested a paw on her head. "I love you more than anything."

"Which is exactly why you'll forgive me–"

"No–"

"–when I handcuff you to seventeen consecutive volcanoes!"

"Go big or go home, Judy," said Sly. "I like it."

"Don't encourage her! It's all fun and games until she actually does it!"

Carmelita caught Nick's eye. "Don't worry, I'd come get you. We can set up a support group if needs be."

"Oh, totally. I can see the ad now: 'Are You A Fox Who Has Been Handcuffed To A Volcano By A Loved One?'"

"Just foxes, huh?"

"I mean, I assume it happens to everyone. We need to keep our numbers manageable."

She laughed. "I'll get to work on the posters. Until then..."

Sly waved with his free hand, the other still comfortably intertwined with Carmelita's. "See you guys soon! Get home safe."

"You too!" beamed Judy.

Sly and Carmelita turned, walking down the street. Judy caught their voices on the night air.

"Want to take in a few sights before we get home? This city is  _breathtaking_  by rooftop."

"Only if we take the elevator. I'm sure you could climb a skyscraper after a three-course meal, but I'd rather not try it."

"Suit yourself..."

Judy turned her attention to her own fox, smiling down at her. She coughed. "Hey, um..."

"Yeah?"

"You know I was kidding, right? About the volcano thing?" Her voice was quiet. "I'd never abandon you like that."

Nick laughed. "Yes, Carrots. I understand the comments about fastening me to a geological hazard were, in fact, jocular."

He bent down, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I know you have my back. Just like I have yours."

"Exactly!" Judy hugged him tight. "Exactly..."

With that, they headed home. Judy stuck close to Nick, pressed against his side. He kept her warm, even wrapping his tail around her. They would end this night as they ended all nights; cuddling together until they both fell asleep.

"Well," said Nick. "That went well."

"It did!" Judy beamed. "I hope we get to do it again!"

* * *

"What a pleasant night!"

They stepped out into the cool night air. Sly had an arm draped around Judy. Nick and Carmelita stood close together, his hand in hers.

"I'm really glad we could all make time for this," continued Judy. "It was fun!"

"Yeah," said Nick. "It was."

Sly returned their smiles, his hand rubbing Judy's shoulder. "Any plans for the rest of weekend, you two?"

"Not really." Carmelita nuzzled Nick's cheek. "We're just going to relax tomorrow morning."

Sly shrugged with his free hand. "Sounds nice enough. Little pedestrian, though. The night's still young."

"It's almost eleven."

"Exactly!" Sly turned to Judy, his voice at maximum richness. "What do you say, babe? Wanna hit the town?"

She folded her arms, smirking. "Maybe. What do you have in mind?"

"Oh, I dunno," said Sly. "We could get a couple drinks somewhere... maybe take a stroll along the river..."

She leaned forward, purple eyes gleaming. "Stop a crime in progress?!"

"Heck yeah."

"Now you're talking! Let's do it!"

Both foxes frowned. Carmelita was disapproving. "Don't do anything stupid, you two..."

Nick was less resolute. "Yeah. Be safe."

"We'll be fine," said Judy breezily. "I'll see you at work tomorrow. But for now..." She turned to Sly, tiny fists ready. "Can I get a lift, handsome?"

He bowed. "Your chariot awaits!"

Judy hopped onto his back, and he slipped his hands under her legs to support her weight. She wrapped one arm around his torso, gripping his shoulder tightly – with the other, she stabbed a dramatic finger forward.

"Onward! To glory!"

He took off down the street, still spry and agile despite his passenger. They disappeared into the night, the sound of Judy's joyful laughter growing steadily fainter.

Nick sighed. "Not even a proper goodbye."

Carmelita just shook her head.

As they began walking home, Nick still was gnawing on the problem. "They're always doing something. Some new activity or idea or adventure. I worry sometimes that they're just distracting themselves..." He shrugged. "Or maybe I'm reading too deep. They're both like that naturally. I guess we  _are_  the boring ones."

"Oh, yes," drawled Carmelita. "The Interpol inspector with international jurisdiction and the man who spent twenty years as a hustler before becoming an exemplary cop are both just  _so_  dull."

"Heh. Okay, point taken."

"There's a difference between boring and sensible. And there's a difference between exciting and... reckless. They bring out dangerous things in each other."

Nick smirked. "So, what? You suggesting we swap partners?"

"What? No." She smiled, then wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. "I got the best deal. Why would I trade you for anyone?"

Nick didn't have a reply for that.

She savoured his expression for a moment. Then she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "Besides," she said, guiding him down the street, "they're happy together, right?"

"R-right," said Nick, who had recovered. More or less. "They just need a bit of adult supervision."

"Exactly."

They walked in silence for a moment. Carmelita felt Nick tense, subtly, probably without realizing it himself.

When he spoke, he was deadly serious.

"If he hurts Judy, in  _any_  way, I'll..."

"I know," she said. "Believe me, I'll be right there with you. But for now, we have to trust her. She's an adult. And if she sees something in him... something I couldn't find... well, all we can do is support her."

"I guess," sighed Nick. "But it's hard not to see it as a bad idea. I love Carrots, you know I do. But what idiot would date Sly Cooper?"

* * *

"What a pleasant night!"

They stepped out into the cool night air. Judy and Carmelita had one arm around each other. Sly had wrapped himself around Nick's shoulder.

"I'm really glad we could all make time for this," continued Judy. "It was fun!"

"Yeah," said Nick. "It was."

Sly returned their smiles, his hand playing with Nick's ear. "Any plans for the rest of weekend, you two?"

"Oh, we're heading straight home," said Carmelita. "Early start tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's Sunday," said Sly, tilting his head. "You're getting up early?"

"Morning run!" Judy beamed. "Carmelita and I just worked out a great route through the Rainforest District. Hits all the major rain spots. Really bracing!"

"That's the worst thing I've ever heard and I regret I asked."

"Oh yeah? What's your plan?"

"It's, what, almost eleven?" said Nick. "Our shift tomorrow starts pretty late, so there's still time for a movie."

"I vote horror," said Sly. He had a knowing smirk. "Nick's always way more spooked than I am. I seem cool  _and_  get a boatload of fear-snuggles."

Nick spluttered. "Do you have to embarrass me in front of my two professional mentors? Specifically with the phrase 'fear-snuggles'?!"

"I think we both know I do." Sly's eyes sparkled. "And I think we both know you like having an excuse to hold me that tight."

Nick's rebuttal was muttered inaudibly to the sidewalk.

Judy laughed. "Well, whatever makes you happy. That's the main thing."

"Wrong, Judy," said Carmelita, arms folded. "Hobbies, as with all things, are a contest to be won. And while these two are lounging around with their fear-snuggles–"

"Carmelita I am begging you not to use that term–"

"–we'll be earning first and second place in Zootopia's next marathon." Carmelita smiled wryly. "And that will prove that we have won. At hobbies."

"Yeah!" said Judy. "I'll be so proud of my girlfriend and her  _silver medal._  "

"Hah! You little...! That's the spirit, sweetheart."

"You two have fundamentally misunderstood the point of free time," said Nick, "but hey. We support you."

Sly nodded. "Yeah, from the comfort of our couch."

"Thanks. Means a lot." Judy gave them a wink. "See you tomorrow, Nick! Have a nice Sunday, Sly!"

With that, they left, Carmelita's arm wrapped comfortably on Judy's shoulders. Sly and Nick watched them for a moment before turning toward their own apartment.

They hadn't gotten far when Nick mumbled something.

Sly smirked, inescapable. "What was that?"

"I... I like this timeline. I like this. I like you."

Sly's smirk stayed in place, but his eyes softened. "Glad to hear it."

They savoured a rare silence for a few moments, Sly close against Nick's side.

"Alright, Slick, let's head home. How about we break out some junk food, put on a bad movie, and  _not_  talk about our feelings?

Nick chuckled, holding Sly's hand a little tighter. "I mean... we can talk about our feelings a little."

"Sounds gay. I'm in."


End file.
